Today

Today, in complete innocence, I pulled on my one and only Beatles tee and walked out of my home, mind and spirit still very much asleep. I got a well-timed awakening.

Call it an epiphany if you will, but I've been going through some down times recently, and very much needed some Awesome reaffirming in myself. Maybe it was the caffeine rush that helped boost this, but I am truly grateful to say that right now, I embody the spirit of Living In Every Now Moment.

This equates to what you have now, what you have been going through recently, all your rough patches, everything that didn't work out, all that you want, all that you cannot get... it all constitutes your now moment, and it is all perfect.

Because you're here now, and everything must have fallen into place perfectly. =)

Everything is going to be all right

One week ago, the core on which i had placed of all my dreams came apart at the seams, and it was, by far, the worst emotion i have ever had to experience. But within hours i was healing, and within days i had bounced back. A little deflated yes, but bounce back i did.

The reality of everything came tumbling down, and as with some people who are forced to be realistic, i so very nearly lost hope and gave up. I was on the edge, i was.

But hope, you see, is such an amazing thing. And so impossibly lucky am i, that in this exact Now moment, i have Hope.

First i must clarify that it is important to know when to let go, but it is even more important to know when to hold on, and when to not give up. Perhaps by the definitions of other people i am being "foolish", but i follow my heart, and i cannot deny that my heart is foolish :)

The past few days of mine have been absolutely swamped by sorry-cant-tell-u matter, that i am probably this close to losing it. But then some small things happened and it brings me back to speed, reminding me to breathe, and to relax, and that everything is going to be all right.

And even without this Hope, everything will be fine. Because on this journey that we're all in together, if it isn't fine, then it isn't over. So throw a handstand. Run around naked. Have faith because it's never too late. Absolutely.

Best day in my degree life =)

I feel so happy right now. It's amazing. I feel like giggling, or maybe laughing out so loud that i'd give rise to shouts of “shut up!” from my roommates. I want to jump, i want to dance, i want to hug people. I want you to know that you're such a lovely being, and that you're perfectly amazing as you are right now, with all your flaws. It doesn't matter if something happened to make you think that you're perhaps not thin enough, not fat enough, not tall enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not happy enough, not interesting enough, not kind enough, not WHATEVER enough. Don't listen to yourself, because YOU ARE AMAZING. Seriously, i`m feeling like on top of the world now. Somebody slaps me please. =D

I never felt so happy before after entering degree life. I feel so blessed. I am happy. =DDD I hope that everything will go right and you are what I need for the following 4 years. I care about you. Yes, I can! I believe that I can treasure this. I won`t let it slip off again this time. "Believe in yourself, because you are absolutely amazing." 

Although the past has not been too convincing, but chill! Just let go. Zoom OUT. Do you see now, all the insecurities and fears and sadness and pain you are withholding? It's not gold, so why are you keeping that? Let it go and accept the changes. Adapt to it and who knows something greater is waiting ahead? ^^ Gingerly, take one step out of that circle of negative energy, and free yourself. Live your life to the max. Forget and forgive. Believe in yourself, it`s never been this great. Appreciate this moment. The sky is yours. The earth is yours. Your life is yours.

Busy days

New Uni life after entering degree programme,
it has been so busy and hectic.

Studies.

Outings.

Lectures.

And I am feeling like missing something in my life.

I just dont know what it is.

I just sort of feel empty in me.

Yes. The emptiness strikes me again.

My recent sleepless nights.

Maybe its just in my dreams or whatsoever.

Idk.

My feelings.

Its hard to be described.

Its just too confusing.

I had been trying my best to show my smile everytime.

Even though I am not feeling good deep in me

Still I'll have smile it out.

Having problems in every way.

From love to studies.

I just dont know the way to face it.

That's why I managed everything of my own badly.

Maybe I should just stop doing so much.

Stop thinking too much.

Just let it be.

I had been saying that since last year foundation.

Am I really that pathetic? 

I'll be having a steamboat as a farewell dinner for Amber, 

a friend of mine tonight.

I'll be happy I told myself.

I'll try.

Leave everything to the God.

I did my best and God will do the rest for me. =)

And for a little bonus, I know a guy from last year april batch foundation.

I like him a lot =D

I hope that we can be new best friend forever.

I am making my move, 

hopefully, I will find a true friend at last. 

Cheers !!! Hehe...

Well, I hope myself will get through all of these tough times and pray for good time ahead.

God bless me. May the spirits be with me ! XD

Memories

When people asked you to smile, ask yourself.

Are you really smiling from your bottom heart ?

Everything's lost except;

the beauty scenes are still wandering in my mind.

I dreamed I hoped.

But, it just could not make it rights.

Oh dear, it`s memories, memories, memories.
How I wish, those moments would be back to me. 

Isit so?

"Often times we caught up in trying to measure worth and analyse every detail, every tiny pieces of a situation that we forget to consider what those pictures can create. Things that look like worthless junk can in fact turn into smaller pieces of a picture that is leading you to an ultimate happy ending or beginning."

And everthing that seems so hopeless and futile and lost right now, is only one tiny part of the big picture. Sometimes we get too up close with certain things that we fail to see how it all contributes to the bigger story.

But it`s quite easy, really. All you have to do is, take a step back, and smile. =)

But sometimes, I do wonder. Am I being too optimistic ???

Change

Changes

in our lives,

I had seen enough of it.

My friends,

my family members,

my loved ones.

People

don't change at our will.

They change at theirs.

I smiled,

I laughed,

and I know

I can do nothing to change them

Just live with it.

I don't wanna care anymore.

=/

Just it.

Those sleepless nights are over

I am better than ever

I felt so alive

I had been through harder times

These days may be hard

but it's not hard enough to bring me down

I woke up from a dream

a nightmare

This is it.

Everything's over.

Stick to my principles of my life

-Eat while you can

-Play while you can

-Smile while you can

-Drunk while you can

-Enjoy while you can

This is myself

This is ME

=)

Can you meet me halfway?

I can't go on further than this.

I want you so bad, it's my only wish

=]

Need you now- Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, Scattered all around the floor.

 Reaching for the phone cause, I can’t fight it any more.

 And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time. 

 It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.

 Said I wouldn’t call  but I lost all control and I need you now. 

 And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.  

Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door. 

Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.

 And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time. 

 It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk, And I need you now. 

Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now. 

 And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now. 

 Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all. 

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now. 

And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now. 

And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

 I just need you now. Oh baby I need you now.

We. Now is only me.

I sat down

looking through our pictures, movie tickets

My tears dropping one by one

I wiped it off

knowing i will have to be strong

to get over this

You are the one who's with me everytime

You're the one who share my everything with me

You're the one whom i had sacrificed a lot for

I believe there's a rainbow after the rain

I missed you through sleepless nights

I know its time to say goodbye

I know this friendship not gonna work anymore

Maybe a number of days

or a couple of weeks

or a few months

I'm going to leave out all the rest

I tell myself

I slapped myself

I cried

and I know

these times would be hard.

I showed cruelty to you

as i did to myself.

If i will have a final say about how much u mean to me

I wouldn't say anything

because there's no words that can describe your importance in my life.

So

we just let it be

Let the time pass

I'm sure

You and me

we will be fine.

I close my eyes

say my prayers to the god.

Hope that you will be fine and me either.

This is the full stop of our friendship.

i appreciate it and i really do.

It`s rather an OMG situation

Imagine this -à you're going to the movies. You enter the theater, sink into your cushioned seat with your bucket of popcorn in one hand and drink in the other, and begin to relax. Ten minutes into the movie, a faint, ebbing, horribly familiar sensation starts to tingle within yourself. This sensation gets stronger, and in twenty minutes you can't help but face the cold, crushing reality --à you need to pee.

You force yourself to suppress the urge, because even though god forbid you find yourself sitting in a pool of stale yellow piss in the middle of the cinema, you just don't want to miss any part of the movie. So you hold it thirty minutes...and another thirty minutes... and another thirty minutes... and the movie never seems to end! You almost want to give up and just go to the toilet but really, isn't the show finishing soon already? Why miss the ending?

Such a situation was one i found myself caught in yesterday, and amidst all that, it struck me how uncanny it was that the hardships we face in life are similar to the bladders that torment us while we sit in the cinema.

For example, yesterday, the show seemed like it was never gonna end. It somehow took constant reminding of myself that the show was too good to miss. And I, in the end, chose to stay in the theater and finished the show.

On one hand the actors were utterly amazing and the story was fascinating, exciting, but on the other hand my insides were threatening to explode all over the audience!

And horrible are the crucial moments after the show where you dash to the toilet to find that you're not the first one there, and your destination is so close yet so far, and again you nearly give up and wet yourself, but really,you can't. So you stand there and entertain the creeping sensation that your brain is about to explode, suffering, before you reach your sanctuary that is the toilet bowl and wunderbar! the most amazing sensation comes over you and you are filled with the gratifying sense of euphoria, because not only did you finish your movie, you also did not wet yourself in the process!

Which is how certain challenges and hardships we face are. Sometimes shit happens and you can't see the end of the tunnel, and hopelessness and despair takes over, and you're about to lose focus and tell yourself that really, maybe it isn't that worth it, just so you can get out of here and stop the madness.

But halt!

Here is where you take a pause, and breathe. And smile. And remember that your pot of gold is patiently awaiting you at the end of it all. And realize that your goals are truly worth all the hardships that threaten to bring you down. And know that all of these is making you stronger by the day. And understand that you're the one that choose to be in the situation you are in. And that you can get out of there anytime you like. But you're still there, because you choose to stay.

And remember, that when you survive through it all, the feeling that overcomes you is going to be as great as when you release the contents fo your spiling bladder after holding it for several hours. In fact, it might be even greater too.

Pain

I`m not ignoring you, pain. I`m being with you, but not letting you take me, all of me. You cannot have 100% of my focus. I will not re-act through my pain. I will act more consciously from my heart and soul.

You may have taken over me for some time, but you have reminded me that I want to be LOVE in every moment. You have reminded me that, to be inspiring is to be inspired. You moved me to pause and notice the beauty that surrounds me and that is inside me.

Pain, you showed me a lot and now you`re coming back. But that is okay, I will now take you as a reminder to show me who I want to be even in the face of pain.

如果

已经躺在床上准备要睡觉的我…莫名地有了好多的想法，好多的“如果”突然间浮现在我脑海里。

是不是命运弄人？还是上帝特别的疼爱我，眷顾我，所以让我走一条与常人不同的路？过着不一般的人生，只为了让我得到得更多？我不明白。有人说：命运里要对抗的，到底是天还是人？有时候我会埋怨，为什么自己从小就没有爸爸，如果我有爸爸的话，现在的人生又会怎样？从小，我就以为没有爸爸是正常的，一直到父亲节，老师让我们写感激的话给爸爸；直到要父母来拿成绩册的那天，我才发现别人都有爸爸，只有我是不一样的…我也想要有爸爸，如果我也有个爸爸，那会是怎样的呢？

为什么我生来长相就不比人好看？？说的难听一点，为什么我长得比别人丑？有时候真的会觉得自己很讨人厌，又肥又丑的，根本就不讨人喜欢。就算尽了最大的努力，别人也不会看见，没有人会感激，没有人会知道原来有这样的一个人…如果..如果我长得跟别人一样..我不需要长得很帅…一般就好…那该有多好？别人一定会多看我一眼…不会忽视我的存在。如果是那样该有多好？如果是那样，我的人生又会是怎样的呢？

为什么？为什么我不比别人聪明？为什么我就是那么笨？…做什么东西都要比别人付出更多，就连读书也要比别人读的更久，花更多的心思，可是出来的成绩，一点都不对称。人家说：一分耕耘，一分收获。我明白这个道理，可是往往付出的更本就得不到该有的收获。我该怨谁？都怪自己笨，比别人付出的努力还不够…可是就算再加倍的努力，我就会得到我想要的吗？我很困绕…为什么有些人就是聪明？有些人只读了一次就记得了？ 有些人不需要付出很大的努力就能拿到很好，很优秀的成绩…为什么？为什么我不是他们？如果我是他们的话，那该有多好？如果我很聪明的话，那就会有更多的人发现我的存在，得到老师们的赏识，长辈们也会更加的疼爱。如果我是聪明的人，那我的人生又会是怎样的呢？

为什么我不比别人有钱？为什么我的家境那么贫穷？需要的东西都要三思…为什么别人可以要什么，买什么，要什么，有什么？而我，却连自己的梦想，因一个“钱”而放弃了我从小到大的梦想，志愿。医生，牙医，我根本连想的机会都没有。就算我的成绩可以念医课那又怎样？这个世界是很现实的，你没有钱就什么都不行。接受现实吧，你，永远都不会有出头的一天！为什么？？？为什么要我走那么艰辛的路…我很累了…真的。如果我有钱，那该有多好？那么我就不必为了学费的事情烦恼，念我喜欢念的科系，做我喜欢做的事，买我喜欢的东西，有我自己的人生。如果我很有钱，我的人生会是怎样的呢？

可是若每个人都抱着这种想法的话，那不就世界末日了吗？全部人都跑去跳楼自杀算了。当你有得比别人少时，你觉得那是上帝不照顾你，但你错了。上帝让你拥有的比别人少，是因为当你有时，你就知道你付出与学习的都比别人还要多。从小就没爸爸，是为了让你懂得珍惜家人，长大后更疼爱自己的孩子。长相，是很抽象的东西，觉得好看的东西，的确大家会喜欢，但久了，好看的东西也得有好的内在。你，也不算上很丑。上帝让每个人长得怎样都有它的原因。你长得这样，拥有的是其他人所没有的。大家都一样。其实，并没有丑与不丑，但如果你自己一直觉得自己丑，那你就是丑，想改变别人的想法，先要改变自己的。不要一直埋怨，省些力气，好好的进展自己，发挥自己。

智慧，上帝给予你或他的智慧通常都是一样的，没有别人比较聪明或是什么。不一样的是你自己的读书方式。都对了，一读就进脑，开始分析，学习别人读书的方式或许是一个不错的方法。自己读得久不好吗？读得久你就会知道，以后的你比其他人都还要能够坚持下去，更有耐心，因为你比他们都还要清楚什么是一分耕耘，一分收获。钱？你去羡慕那些有钱的人？那你就大错特错。有钱的是他们的爸爸！当你在羡慕着他们有钱时，不如想想看他们到底有什么值得你去羡慕的。一点都不值得！因为你在羡慕着一件“死”的东西。羡慕他们有钱，不如想想看该如何赚钱。比起埋怨，努力的证明给自己还有别人看，命运还是掌握在自己手里的，那不是更好吗？应家人以你为傲，而不是你处处以家人为傲。

如果，是很抽象，不切实际，不会发生的。如果，的确不存在，但他给予你梦想。人，因梦想而伟大！

Regret

What can you do really, when things sucked to the max? Well, I guess all I can say is, yeah I screwed up again. Sometimes, things just doesn’t flow in the way it used to be, the way we want, it just out of our expectation, beyond our limit to get it right.

After you burst everything out of rage, you start to regret. Yeah, that`s me. Ironically that`s my line and I always fall into this shit situation. I just can`t control my emotion, I fail to manage it and let my anger get over my head. They say Rome wasn`t built in a day, and yet what a difference a day makes. It rings so true and fits so right in my situation, almost everytime I must say.

Today, I was in a fight with my mum, over a really stupid matter. And to entertain and get you audience to a higher peak which I must say, climax perhaps, I get my sis into this. And, yeah , congratulation! I end up fighting with my mum and my sis...which I really regret right after…yeah, right after! I hate myself being a shithole sometimes and honestly yeah I admit that I have a bad temper and seriously I have to fix it.

I regret. Seriously regret for what I have done but what is done is done. And I just did apologize and say sorry to my mum but it doesn`t help much. I`m sad. I just hope that this will be a lesson, a lesson that I will learn and don`t freaking repeat it in the future. I love my mum, I just hope that she can see this…I don`t wish to hurt your heart, please forgive me. I love you most . 

Choice

Today , i have something to say. Just recently i was granted the privilege of choice, yet again. Now i`m eternally grateful for the fact that i have always been fortunate enough to choose how i wan to direct my days and my life. I get to choose what to wear and how to present myself, i get to choose what i want to do with myself, i get to choose what if my favourite food i want to eat later...etc.

But this is a different kind of "choice". This one here that i have on my lap, this is scary. This is dilemma, and the reality of it is that this is the kind of choice that, if chosen wrongly, would be looked upon with regret of many many years to come in the future.

What if i regret my decision? How am i going to face them after this? What if i don`t get what i want? What if he turns out to be the wrong person? What if i`m letting go of something invaluable? What if i hate myself for this?

Yesterday i cracked my head trying to figure out what i wanted. It kept me from sleeping, and had me feeling nervous the entire day.

Today i realized that there is really no need for me to be so torn up over this. I have been terrifying and doubting myself in so many ways that it has already taken a turn towards negativity, and that is simply not sustainable at all, which is why i`m going to let go. I haven`t come to a decision yet, but im not going to be afraid anymore.

I will not regret my decision. because regret is only a fantasy that your insecurities craft, a nightmare of sorts and blah blah blah...and it never helps a thing. One month from now wherever i found myself then, regarless of what i have chosen today, i have faith that it is nothing but meant to be. All this while i was trying to protect myself from the regret that i would potentially feel,but today, i see that this is ridiculous. This is life, there is nothing right or wrong decision, everything just is.

So,don`t regret anything, ever. Yeah, so things could have been different. You could be living in a bigger house right now, be married to a different person, have different roommates, etc. Your life could have taken on millions of different paths, but open up your eyes. Take a look around at the room you are in, and the people you are now surrounded with. This is it where it has led you, and this is where you are now.

I won`t regret. Regret ain`t gonna change a thing. And it`s such a pain in the ass.

Let it go, wherever it is. Your life is perfect. Believe it.

What i can say

What happens, really, when you hit rock bottom? I guess all i can say is that the best thing about being at the bottom is that the only other way is to go is up.

So here it is. I wont say i know how you feel, but i will tell you how i felt. I felt like disappearing. I felt so fudging stupid. I wanted to hit myself real hard on the head. To sum it up, i wanted to die. I felt like i was dying inside, and im not exaggerating. That period of time is now a faded memory, but if i dig deep down and remember every detail, it still hurts a little.

But listen. Sometimes shit happens, and you make the wrong choices, or you do the wrong things, or you dont do the things that you are supposed to do, and then things wind up being fcked up beyond comparison, and you have this impulse to knock your head against the wall repeatedly because you could have done this differently, and then things would have been different -- better maybe. But there is something to learn in everything that happens, no matter how minute or insignificant these things may seem .

Well , maybe it is okay to have screwed up. Because that is what people do, and i know that is no excuse, but that really doesnt matter as much as how they react to it, and how they fix it whilst moving on. Life was never meant to be easy, and if it was, then we'll never learn anything, and we'll never grow.

So let go is what i decided to do and i did and am still trying now . There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It rings so true and fits so right. The past may have been great, it may have sucked, but it doesnt matter, because you guys are here now, and everything must have fallen into place perfectly.

So , keep bouncing back khai leong ! 

Life

Sometimes , I imagine life like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, while the black keys represent sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys make the music too. ”

Owowh,..

Foundation life in Aimst ended...and now at home so boring....wakaka...Somehow wish that the holidays end faster so that can go back to aimst and meet my friends...Kinda miss Jia min , Justin , Fiona ,Travis , Tun Ru them...hmm...hope they can make it back to aimst and me too >,<...god bless me...

Heartache

Today is such a heartache day for me ...I feel so sad , my heart is like taring apart...my soul...have gone missing somewhere else far enough that i couldnt find it...It feels so hurt...Well..maybe just that its my problem that i like to feel a lot and think a lot ...Today...its maths paper...but is not the main reason for me to feel down the drain ? down the hell for me perhaps...When i come out of the exam hall...i saw panguin come and talk to me something something and i remember i asked him to wait for me , just like not even 5min...But I noticed that they already went off without me and they saw me just behind of them but they never wait...I still remember when I sit for my english paper and i waited tun ru come out for like 30mins...and just now when they all wanan come down from the library , I waited them and go to the exam hall together...Maybe it just me ...my problem ? But when I come to think about it...it just came through my mind that isit I doesnt even worth for waiting ?...I feel pathetic...Im just a human thou...i need care too...Im feeling real sick now and very hard to breath ...Im gasping for air now.

Wei Yin`s post

OMG ! i love Wei Yin`s post again !!! Its just feel so much when i read here...

The people you love the most, hurt you the most, because you allowed them to get so close to you and to have that power over your heart and emotions.

Thinking that the word love shouldn’t be tossed around so often.There is no love in betrayal, just lust and enjoyment of companionship, don’t get it confused.The hardest part is taking the first steps of that first mile, because right now, all we want to do after all those pain is never looking back.

i dont wnat to worry anything besides happiness .

Today

I feel great today....simply because all my dearest darlings are there and so good to me...im seriously actually eventually touched and feel sweet~ =p
Hmm...its all started with yesterday bltch-gathering-beer-session with all 2 of my dearest bltches , jia minn the Lushan blcth and fiona the Luhai bltch...we were drinking sandy and tiger beer and talking nonsense and obscene words...talking happily and saying that tomorrow is going to talk only good things,not even one word bad...and who ever said bad word , lose...lols.
Well , it went ok today just that after lecture , dat Lushan bltch duno whats wrong with her...today just so wrong for her...and somehow i feel the atmosphere...which i not reli like it...cause i want to be optimistic...i dowan feel sad...Hmm...done with that...she managed to get a bit better after tutorial...maybe just a little...
And what Im happy is today i went to my beloved darling ~ Tun Ru there and watched movie with Junan and Chong Hon...We sleep together and play molesting all around...lols,sounds so obscene...lol...and Tun Ru actually promised me that he will follow me to the library to study with me from tomorrow onwards...im so darn happy hearing that...hehe...glad la at last he want to study liao rather that everyday , every minutes dota...=,=...Hmm...and after that when I go to library time , I actually by and chance of fate or destiny ter-saw Justin and Desmond and we walk together to library...Although it was only a really short way...but yet I setill feel extremely happy bout it cause Justin talk to me very happily and I feel on top of the world and actually do feel a bit sweet and happy cause already long time didnt talk to him...and what make me feel more happy and over the top is that Jia Minn actually tell me that she saw Justin walk more towards me when we were talking on our way to library just now....he seems very excited and happy...Im glad to hear that and just feel soo soo so damn it happy....=)
Hmmm...I just never been so happy when i come to aimst...the happy days can count bare hand...Lols...and another good news is im going to play badminton tomorrow ...yeah !!!yeeha...=p but then another news is im going to recheck my physics result of term 2 which I seriously feel that I did extremely well this time and my expectation was will get 90+....but instead i got 76...its rather disappointing and money wasting...haihs...nvm ...I just feel tak puas hati...i dont know why...I just feel that I need to recheck...I will follow my instinct...Hmm...its really late noght already...im going to sleep now...Hmm...see ya guys...good night and have a good night sleep...sleep tight tight and sWeet dreamZ alll.....Love ya`ll .

Recently

I dont have mood to write this now but its has been quite a long time already since i wrote my last post .
Hmm...Well , life in aimst just get more busy and hectic when assignments are floating all over ... and im still relaxing my term 3 . Whats worst is i cant wait to know my term 2 result and its been like century to wait for the notice . Its kinda shit this week and last week...and i guess the following week too...And u know what ? I spent too much on term 3 until I cant even count how much i spent . I go to my school`s ATM machine like going to lecture hall...too often...I think i alreay spent RM 600 + or even more ...I had supper very often and go out very often ths term , I scared that I dont have enough money to buy my dream phone already...sobbie~ Well , the desmond thingy I already like dont wanna care much and let it flow anyway it likes...Its like I dont have so much time to take care of those kidda silly things as im having my term 3 exam coming soon , and my quiz is just around the corner...and guess what ? I havent do any revision on any subject yet...even the most confident subjects , Maths ...i also dont think I can handle it very well this term ... Too many doubt and problem i face , including the "you-best-friend" thinggy issue , too many which trigger my recent mood swing so often ...Well, good news is im going home this weekend , for the first time in my term 3 , yeay !!! So excited about it although its only practically 2 days but still I will enjoy it , And guess what , my good sister is going to bring me out for a treat , nice-expensive-delicious-will-be treat . ^^ Hehe....not bad lar...still cares bout me ...lol...Hmmm...I really dont know what to say anymore , hmm...well , I like Tun Ru , Penguin , Junan , Justin and Tharsheeka... hehe...thats the ending...And the prince and the princess live happily ever after . ^^

Lonely

Duno why , something cross my mind , that i feel so lonely . Yeah , I do admit that i have a lot of friends , very nice friends indeed in aimst but somehow , I feel like I dont have a true friend , erm , do you get what i mean or not ? ...Hmmm...What I mean is , I need a very good friend like can share secrets , care each other a lot , I mean...A LOT...,always be there when I was down , always tell me if he is having any problem...I just...need one , ONE...only one...is that too much to ask for ?

Better

Things actually start to get better now...and im glad that im not having any problem...yet ?
But still , i think its a good thing , and my problem with desmond is getting better now i guess? Since when im talking to him , he got responce and i found a secret...Actually among jake and desmond and justin all...i like justin the most . Duno why , i feel like ... duno how to say , just like the way he is , just like to be around with him , when he come and call me or talk to me or play with me , I feel extremely happy , over the top , happy for no reason , all sad things just go away...like instantly . Desmond , I think we can be friend like normal back but still will have some small thingy within me , that will try to stay away from him , maybe because I dont want to get hurt anymore? Or I just lost my faith on people , I can hardly trust people already ... Well , its a way to protect ourselves also , its not wrong either i guess ? Hmm...that all for today ? Hope tomorrow is better than today =) Have a good night sleep , people .

Boring x1000

Too boring....This weekends is the most boring weekend in aimst...
Its like living in a jail...or rather to say hell ?...
Well...i tell u...today saturday...i wan watching movie the whole day...eating and sleeping ...and had dinner with fiona and travis and evie...we go for a walk and start singing and talking crap....
After that...u know what hapen ? I was so boring until Fiona said lets play cards later...whoa , i immediately say yes lar of course...den only hor...i found out that not enuf people...only me and Fiona wanna play only.... I asked huan chang and he said donwan...he still got things havent done...and i asked jian fei..they said got homeworks havent done...so ok lor...i go and asked Justin lol...and he says ok...hmmm...lols...den he offline already...never asked what time...i duno liao lor...
To be continue...

One of those "Down" days

Duno why lol,tis week i feel extremely down and sad and emo...walao...so complicated de feelings...
Haih, duno how to say , yeah la sentimental la , emo la...once again affect my studies and mood .
Im so easily affected emotionally and psychologically....Well , i cant stop thinking about everything and believe me , i just wasted tis first few weeks in aimst for nothing , i havent study anything yet , dont talk about revising term 1 and 2 , even assignments i havent started to touch yet....chemistry ? Biology ? None...
Well...believe me , im going to screw up my exam again , and this time is term 3 , believe me...it will end like that...screw everything lar..

Because of you .

I will not make the same mistakes again , will not let myself , cause my heart so much misery .
I have learn to let away , because of you .
Because of you I found it hard to trust , not only people everyone around me . Because of you , I am afraid .
I lose my way , I`m not myself anymore.  I cannot cry because I know that`s the weakness in your eyes . Im forced to fake , a smile , a laugh , everyday of my life . And now I crying in the middle at the night over the same damn thing again .

Fake hope

     Seriouly wad is on your mind actually ? Few days before you come and aproach me and i thought hmm,yeah finally we are going to get back to be friends after a long period that u mad of me...but what is this? This few days i tried my best to look at you and talks to you...tried my best effort but you ? Actually , a lot of things change since we last talk ...whe is it actually? if im not mistaken,it should be last year`s November...
     Now,i noticed that you changed a lot...hang with friends more often and doesnt get angry so easily and actually know how to console and talk to people...which makes me start to think that why isit last time u never wanted to tell me what you feel...and those warm and caring words i never heard you talk to me ever Ever before...
     So what la now,i prefer you never wanted to see me or talk to me , it would make me feel better , cos i already immune to it if you want to ignore me cos i oso doing the same after that hell period when i was abandon , i was left alone,eating brwakfast alone,walk to lecture hall alone,go to tutorial alone,go to library alone,sitting alone,eating lunch and dinner alone,never go out,talk to nobody but myself very often...im already used to ignore you...why at this most important period...term 3 , you chose to give me a fake hope ?   
     Now, im shaken again , im thinking a lot more than ever , im suffering , i cannot study , cannot do homework , it distratcs me , its burden , my small little tiny broken-more-than-once heart , canot take anymore of it already , please , my Lord...help me , let me go through this , please give me strength , i need you ... please be by my side ...
     I am scared , left alone in an empty dark chamber , hugging my pillow...tearing...as always, praying and hoping that there will be a warm hand reach upon me , I dont wish to be saved , but at least , let me know that im not alone....at least there is still someone out there cares...

My mind

Who's no longer a pleasure to be around, it's important to make sure you're ready to take the usually irreparable, step of severing ties. Be sure that you really want to end the friendship as once you break up, it's hard to go back to the same type of friendship you once had .

Surprise

Yesterday is a miracle or surprise i dont know...but somehow...dat time,i was going to play cards with crystal a.k.a justin...so we just ask her to call justin a.k.a crystal to come down play...
Jake came too . What was shocking me the most is he also coming to join . I was surprise , and none a word come out of my mouth . There was a second thought that can I just ran away or give some excuses to go back and let them have fun? Cos i think i definately cant have fun . But the thing is,i dowan to do like dat...haih dont know wad am i talking about , so controversial ...But the card games went on quite nice,kinda interesting...and me from beginning awkward become a bit more adapt to the situation...What bothers me is...haih...maybe this should remain a secret or i will post it next time..A secret that shall not be told...maybe it will be posted soon...To be continue...

Today,happy...and feeling a bit down

This morning,everything was so perfect...was so happy after playing cards with some frens yesterday and with justin too...it has been a long time since we really hang out...not really also...but playing cards game was more than enough...im so happy to see him laugh and talking so warm with me...but dats it...keep it liddat is really nice...i dowan things to get worst...stay right there...let me just happy for some very small things...u happy make me happy too..
Today was playing badminton and it should have been a nice outdoor activity but i accidently hit jia minn...and feel so sorry...somehow affected my mood so much that i wasnt enjoying badminton anymore...I was so down...and was so sad cos today justin was playing...i cant enjoy the game and was showing an angry,bast@rd face throughout the games...yet he still so patient and play with me...It is really enough already,god u treat me nice already...thanks for all this small nice thingy...when u have faith on something , and u have the deeds,u will definately get wad u want,Jesus will help u,that is wad i believe...thank you my Lord...Amen.

Back-stabber

I hate those that talk bad about other people behind them...
We call them back-stabbers . I hate them . But u ,
I have nothing else to say , its not worth to even hate u .
Im glad i know the truth but im just sad to be the last one to know .
I have made up my mind . You . Get out of my life .

Term 3 planning^^

Wow,its term 3 already and im already back in aimst .
Wow,there`s no holiday at all in term 3 but yet i still got plenty of events going on^^.
Hmm , this coming weekend am going to penang with tun ru,junan,penguin,amos,
khieng yang and felix . We already book the hotel near the beach there...planning to
enjoy and play to the max^^ 2nd weekend we plan to go to eat stimboat again and
sing karaoke ^3^ hehehe...and going out to some shopping complex...yuppy^^...3rd
week mayb going to Carnival to play water ^3^...hmm...really alot of events yoh~~
after that...its plain study and revision for the term 3 exam..yohoo~~ im looking forward
to my term 3 life in aimst...hope everthing went smooth and as awesome as it sounds ^^
Love ya all my dearest friends^^....

About term 2 exam

Wow...term 2 ended...hmm...about my term 2 exam...
i would say generally was ok , not bad actually , just that my bio really sucks...
Bio,the subject that i read the most,do the most,read the most again...and again...
afraid the most,and sleep for just 2 hours dat day for da exam...was totally a failure .
I guess im just not so into bio and i just cant take things related to it like mbbs or dentistry...
Pharmacy definately is a better choice compare to those although the course that I really
wanted to take is chemical engineering or petroleum engineering but its kinda impossible
for me cos my stpm is not good enuf...i nid to get all As or 4.00 pointer but i just get 3.42
Its really kinda heart broken case...but wad can i do...i screwed up my form 6 , but i dont
wanna screw up my foundation studies too...hmm...term 3 , i`ll try my best ^^

stress,angry,mad . DEAL WITH IT !

TAKE A DEEP BREATH
-Dont do huge noisy gasps , breath in through ur nose for as long as you feel comfortable ,
  hold it and slowly breath out through ur mouth .

WRITE DOWN UR FEELING
-Keep an upset journal . Express ur feeling on paper by writting or sketching .

PUT URSELF IN OTHER PERSON`S SHOE
-This will help u gain a different perspective .
  Keep in mind that we are all humans subject to making mistakes .

LEARN TO LAUGH AT URSELF
-Learn to see humor u mad at urself .
 Lighten up a bit , and laugh at urself .

LEARN TO FORGIVE
-It is human to make mistakes .

From WeiYin

Everything happens for a reason. It's time to get that regret off your mind and move on. Whether you're still kicking yourself up for messing up a great friendship or relationship, or for not going on that holiday all your mates are now continually raving about, everyone's got their bundle of regrets.

At best, regret such as constructive tool that gives us a sting when we have messed up, ensuring that we learn our lesson and don't repeat the same mistakes. At worst, regret becomes an endless, torturous game of "what if". Personified, it'd be like a childhood bully grabbing your hand and slapping you with it, all the while asking, "why are you hitting yourself"

Everyone has regret, we just have to forgive others and forgive yourself, that frees you from anger and pain. Live free of regret, accept what has already happened, learn the lesson and move on! -weiyin

Personally love it...so share with all ^^

And WeiYin , my dear nu er...pls be well soon...hope u recover fast ^3^
regards ~

Exam soon .

Exam is coming soon and Im so not motivated .
I know its not good but i cant do anything , its just weird , although i go to library and study area until very late everyday , but still feel something missing . Yeah , I just got my term 2 quiz result and its pretty bad thou...Yeah i got all A but the worst subject still biology lols...i got 31/40 ...one more marks ... and chemistry also just 22/25 while the most dissapointing subject is maths . Well , i know i did something wrong d , but wad make me disappointing the most  is i copy wrong question...zZz...its suppose the limit question is approaches -2 but i wrote appoaches 2...so gone ~ yeah , i get 35/40... this quiz i know i did pretty bad... but i tried...and term 2 final is coming soon , its just next 2 weeks ... i feel so weak...i duno why...wanna study but nothing actually stick into my mind...hmmm...haih...CNY coming soon , dun care so much already lar...enjoy first =p

Weekend-Staying-Over Junan house with Penguin and Tun Ru

Wow..tis two day am staying in junan`s room...lol..they invited me go and stay over btw =p
We have sooo much fun there !!! hahaha...Once i go there and when Tun Ru saw me coming over...he was so excited that he said...are you coming to let me molest you?...lolszZzz...He did molest me after that =,=!!On the first day (Friday night), we were playing cards and i was on the lead but duno why kena triple Q then end up losing omg !! F5 ! Second day (Saturday night) i was on the lead all the way...losing 0 and them 6 , 7 , 7 but we plan to play until whoever lose till 10 times...haha so keep on playing and i was boosting that i will lose not even 1 round and end up winning 0 10...but haih dat si penguin !! male de la...he...if not i can win wan lol...zZz...at last the score is 1 , 6, 8 and 10...haha...me losing 1 time...felix 6 times...travis lose 8 times ...penguin and junan partner-ing to play lose the most 10times...hahaha..they all wanna revenge lol...the thing after that is really obscene...!!! they were playing raping !!! "Qiang Jian"...omg ==!! Junan come over my bed and im saying that i wanna sleep ady..then he come and jump over on my bed and start molesting and sleep behind me and =='''...u know wad happen next...den omg no one was there to help me....even penguin also jump over on top of me zzZzz...they all were molesting me like no tomorrow and i keep shouting dont dont...zzzzZzz...travis never help..he just sit back and watch the whole show and laugh laugh laugh...zZzzz...we play unil very late lol...around 3am+...and wad i canot tahan the most is...everytime when i walk in...i saw felix with only wearing underwear walking around the house...zZzz...omg ==!!! keep showing me !!! no wonder i lose my poker !!! F5
However...indeed another best moment ! ^3^

Happy Outing with Friends

Wow ! Its indeed a very happy , full fo joy , amazing outing-to-penang-staying-over-junan-house`s experience !! hahaha...
Yeah , me and chong hon were going to junan`s house on last thursday . We followed junan`s car going to penang . As soon as we reached there , we unpacked and went to Gurney to have some window shopping...Well,Junan`s mom and family members were really nice...During our way going to Gurney , its so much fun lol...hahas...and Junan was OMG la...he duno the way to Gurney...but luckily with the help of our Mr Great Hon...he remember wad Junan`s mom told bout the road going to Gurney...Lols...We reached the shopping complex around 8.30pm liddat...we shop shop shop until around 10pm and we bought us each a pair of socks , there is number on it..."10,3&8"..hahaha..it means "si san ba"...hahaha...chong hon took 10,me took 3 and Junan took 8..lols...then we went out to have our dinner...YEAH...its dinner...not supper...hahaha...we ordered "gan lao mian" with soup of "sui jiao"...then fried oyster , fried chicken skin , fired sotong and sotong bakar,french fries,...hahaha...kinda a lot of things that we ordered lol...=p
And u know wad ? Its raining !!! Hmm..kinda romantic lol...=p wakakaka...lols..we were sitting there like waiting the rain to become lighter and wad we can do is keep eating lol...its really full that day...wakaka...then we run back to the mall...and buy the mid-night movie ticket..1145pm...watching FASTER...its not very nice but its not bad actually...Its was soo fun ..and when we head back to Junan`s house..its already 2am...Back to Junan`s house,we , 3 people stay in one room..Junan was raping me all the time lol...we play till 345am liddat...and Junan still wanna watch horror movie in the room while chong hon playing dota...So i accompany Junan watching the horror movie...not long ...around 20min liddat...i go to sleep ald...but actually Junan is the one sleep 1st...waakaka...luckily...if not i canot imagine wad will happen later if i sleep first...the both of them...walao....me not fresh anymore !! ><! Lols~
2nd day , Im the one that wake up first...wake up at 830am...and done my bathing and shitting everything...hahaha...around 945-10am..im trying to wake them up...but zzzz...u know wad? Its just too hard...chong hon still ok...we managed to wake up at around 11am...but Junan....i constantly waking him up..it just like useless...zZz...cos jia min and shou kee them all already waiting at Queensbay to meet up with us since 930am...i feel so paiseh lol...Junan..zZz...he only wake up at 1230am..zzZzzz..imagine im waking him up since 10am until 1230am...zZz...so dam tired sia...
then his mum go out and buy us some lunch to eat...and he go shower...at last we manage to reach Queensbay at 2pm...Dats really Zzz...We meet up with shou kee and jia min them all...we shop a while and then we went to have our long-awaited-wanna-eat yogurt ice cream !!! its dam nice weh...and Jia Min and shou kee were like...omg...its sooo f*cking tasty !!! its just too nice !!!...lols hahaha....and we managed to take some pictures too...^3^ After that , the girls wanna continue shopping and we went to sake sushi to eat !!! with jia min together but she`s not eating...she left a while after having a green tea..lol..
We ordered a party set...there are 49 pieces of sushi for us 3 people...lols..quiet nice...and we were playing games and saying that whoever lost need to eat the one with a lot of wasabi on it...hahaha..i kena once ...den chong hon kena most...he was like eat all of those that full of wasabi in it...wakaka...Junan was a lucky ass thou...he won all games and nonid to eat any...lucky him !!
After that..the girls went to wait for the bus to go home....we managed to get some pictures . Actually me and chong hon were in trouble of making choices that wanna stay for another night or go back dat day with the girls mainly cos we wanna go back but Junan keep asking us to stay , begging us ,and constantly asking us....i just duno how to refuse and Junan`s mom also asking us to saty one more night and his mom ald plan whole thing...asking us to come on 25th February again...she will bring us go out eat ...lols haha...so at last we decided to stay one more night...>3< After the girls went , we continue shopping ...until reaching 7pm..then we went to pick Junan`s cousin brother up to Gurney to have fun and shopping and watch movie...We had McD before we went for the movie...I ordered chicken prosperity burger,its really nice...We watched Gulliver at 1145pm liddat...actually we wanted to watch the horror movie...the labyrinth something...but Junan was scared...hahaha...so he bought us another movie ticket.We reached home around 2am also...and after taking shower and playing a while , i slept at 345am if im not mistaken...
3rd day , as usual , im the earliest one...wake up..den i wake hon up . As usual , Junan canot wake up...we go out like around 1030am , and Junan`s mom bring us out to eat some local food before heading to the ferry...its really full lol,...we ate a lot...We reach the jeti around 1145am, and we reached Sungai Petani around 1.35pm...we went to Central Square before going bac to hostel...and we bought back McD for our dinner !!!^-^
Dats all lol...its really fun lols...seriously..i think its the happiest day since i came to aimst . =)

Just bear with me .

I cant stand it . Things change , everything change .
I dont like all things being destined or fated .
From now on , I , myself control my life .
I do wadsoever i like. Yeah , wadafak .
Screw everything !!!!

F word

I dont care anymore , yeah fuck that !
KLCC !!!
Im more relieved now , thank you .

You

I like you , you are so kind , cute , friendly , nice , and hiao....hahaha
Still remember the first time when i get to know you , i tot ur name is money lol...
And you are very good in badminton ... Our friendship start to bond during the penang trip...
It was so fun that actually we are like old friends ...
After receiving the shocking news...its like a huge rock put behind my back,...it is so heavy that...
i merely can withstand...the feeling is complicated ... im sad .
I start to think our days without you ... Breakfast time without you...
Lecture time without you... no one to tease bout the wig and cigarretes ...
no people care bout me when i was down...no people acting the cute face and laughter...
no people play badminton with me ...Dinner time without you...Hiaos group less one member...
the hiao-ness will sure reduced....Now that i know you are leaving us soon...
I just hope that i have enough time to do wadever things with you...appreaciate the time left..
appreaciate you...my dear , you are indeed our happiness...
Be confident , we will always be there for you eventhough you are far away after this...
Take care my dear ...
We love you...you are always a member of Hiao...our Happiness !! ^-^

Paainnn...

I just sprained my leg , damn it !
its old wound somemore...so fucking painful...
and i cant walk back to hostel...was waiting in the sports complex for 2hrs
then go back with junan`s help and yang`s help .
Really appreaciate their help...thanks !!^-^
Actually am thinking going back now but its too expensive to take a cab and go home...
so i`ll just wait until 2moro see how first .
God pls help me .

Why ?

Why am i always screwed up things ? Why am i so problematic ?
Why this and why that , i hate thinking too much .

You`re right

Maybe im just bluffing myself , im too fast on giving up something .
I give up .

You

Yeah , i will try to talk to him like we used to be ,
eventhough i know its kinda impossible ,
but still , i will do it , well i will try my best , my hardest ,
not for getting any result , or respond , or expecting anything in return ,
but am doing this for myself , because i want to , i hope , i willing to ,
...
because...
 i still care .

Welcome 2011

His 2011 !!^-^
I hope we can be good friends ^-^
Hmm...wad i want to do in a new year...
Errr...my list quite long ...haha~
Yeah , 1st of all i wan to be happy , optimistic and dont think too much ^^
2nd , i want to be m0re hardworking cos final coming soon <3
3rd , Appreaciate my mum and take care of her well .
4th , Bring the hiaos to my house ...hmm...can be done next week =3=
5th , Go to Jia min house...haha next week after my house trip =v=
6th , Lose weight lol...trying very hard to ....
7th , Save money
8th , buy new phone
9th , hang out wif frens and apreciate them ~ =3=
10th , less online and GET A LIFE

Farewell 2010

2010 is history now . and today , 1st day of 2011...
and im thinking of you...